// Something I wrote for you//

Is it possible to want you all the time
but not want you to be mine?
Listen, I know I said I enjoyed myself
but I don’t wanna get used to the wine and dine
Cuz I’m still tryin to ground myself
Got a degree, its time to get the wealth
So much shit I got to do
but I get throwed off when it comes to you
Like the times we talk or hang out
Or that thing I always blush about
I’m off my game for second or two
but I’ll counterfeit cuz I’m prone to doubt, yet..
I like when we on the phone
And I’m feeling wrong cuz Ion wanna be official
Cuz I know you’ll watch my throne
Any nigga get wrong, you’d grab the pistol 
But this ain’t no love song, it’s me inside my thoughts
I’m addicted to your chivalry & you almost have me bought
Yeah I know it’s real, but you should know I’m not 
And I can’t stress that enough
Still I don’t want you to move on
But I think I need your touch 
You cross my mind daily
And I act just like a lady
But I still think like a man
Slick, but not the form of shady 
Cuz I had heauxs and I’m used to that
Not sayin that I want you to be that
But this single thing is what I need
So if we never move forward don’t hold it against me

Please. 

// Single Life//

is STILL cool wit me. It’s been two years since I’ve had a boyfriend, and I’m really not bothered by it. I don’t think I was ever one of those chicks who always felt the need to be in a relationship. There might have been one short period in middle school when I did, but only because I would constantly see other girls carrying around giant teddy bears and candy in the hallway once Valentine’s Day rolled around. I was slightly jealous, but at the same time I figured I’d never get that treatment because none of the guys in middle school wanted to talk to me. It seemed like they only went for the popular girls, going girls, or girls with big booties…

But I digress. I don’t see why everyone is in such a rush though… I’m 22 now. Even though my “life plan” was to be married and have at least one kid by age 26, the level of interest in husband hunting is still at an all time low. 4 years is a long time, and a lot can happen between now and then, so I’m not trippin just because I don’t have anyone to call my own. Besides, I don’t even know how to pick em. I mean I do, but too many of my past boyfriends were only picked because I knew they would be a good boyfriend, not because I actually loved them like that. Bad, I know. And I’m sure karma will get my lil ass for leading people on like that… So basically I’m not really searching… A couple of my friends think I push away any guy whose presented to me, because whenever they try to hook me up with (or push me onto) someone, I ward them off. But the real reason is that to me they just pick out any old dude from the crowd who just happened to be single too. I mean dang just because he doesn’t have anyone and I don’t either, doesn’t mean we’d be good for each other. At least find someone with goals… preferably not anyone with a criminal background, a GIRLFRIEND, or who isn’t even interested in getting to know me!

That’s a whole other blog though.
Basically what I’m saying is, I’m cool with this. No obligations. No gifts to buy. No gifts to expect and maybe be disappointed by. No guilty feelings if I want to dance with someone at a club. Just freedom.
What is so horrible about freedom? 

// Definitely getting a sew in when I get back to Memphis…//

I don’t like this weird length my hair is at right now… And as usual, I still don’t know how to do it without badgering it with heat!

I just was not born with the talent of doing my hair… thanks Mom. (she can’t do hers either smh)

// 3 more days//

And Signature Announcements hasn’t given me my refund! Which means no funds! Gettin worried…

Birthday looking like its gon be…

I’ll be forced to settle for some arbor mist and redbox. Like..

But wait, I have a new whip.

Ohhh, but I still have no gas.

Smh… Forever lame.

// THEN//

I don’t know what I’m wearing for

• Graduation
• African-American graduate ceremony
• Scholarship dinner at the President’s house
• my birthday ?

Lol. This ain’t cool is it? 

// The last day of classes is 2 weeks away from tomorrow.//

In that time, I’m going to try to refrain from writing posts about how nervous or scared I am about graduating, or how fast time flew by.
I’ve been doing that all year… and I’m sure yall are tired of me repeating myself. Doubting my intelligence over and over…In high school I knew I was amazing. Now that nobody reminds me, I feel like I am not.
When will I learn, huh? Lol

=]
Ok so here’s a plan…

Positive posts only, at least until until May 5th. How bout that!!!

// My 22nd birthday is approximately 3 weeks away.//

As usual, I don’t know how I wanna celebrate. It won’t be a drive to Memphis, as usual. And it won’t be grand, as usual. I still wanna go to the Caribbean Hut in Nashville though, since that didn’t work out last year. I would prefer to have accompaniment though…

// *looks out window*//

Mother Nature is running kind of late…
She was supposed to be here a long time ago.. *looks at watch* I hope nothing bad has happened.

// I had an unexpected, but very heartfelt conversation with a friend today.//

It was basically about love. Real love.
The everlasting love of Jesus Christ, to be exact.

 She was telling me about what she’d been going through with this fellow. They love each other but he was already in a compromising situation that complicated their growing relationship. After weighing things out, he told her it would be best if they called it off, because it wouldn’t be right for things to keep going like they had been. And she said even though it hurt her & it still does, she knew that just meeting him and getting to know him for that short while was a blessing from God, because the guy had opened her eyes to what real love was. Basically, he had reminded her that things would only work if they were through God, and he really helped her realize that God’s love was all she needed. She was like “It’s amazing how you can think you’ve loved guys.. but its nothing compared to.. what love is supposed to be. The way God loves me.”

That is so true yalll… and I can relate.. not in the same way but I can.

It made me think about my next relationship. Even though I’m still not looking for anyone, I’ve realized that at this age there’s no point in being in a relationship for fun. For fun I mean not planning on getting serious. I’m really not trying to fall in love with anyone at this point. I’m still trying to get myself together as an individual so I can’t be with someone and expect them to put up with me.. I just feel like I have more lessons to learn and I need to grow more as an adult. But I know for a fact, that my next man can’t just be a child of God, but he has to be a man of God. It’s one thing to be able to go to church with your boyfriend, or just take his word for it or recognize that he attends church/reads the bible. But to actually find someone you can can grow in Christ with, that is awesome.
I’m not looking for a man to transform my faith or anything, because my relationship with God is still and always will be, between me & God. But a relationship is so much more fulfilling when you can share that confidence in Christ, and when you find your purpose with the person who God made for you.
It’s so rare too…
I just hope I recognize when he drops the right person in my life. But I’m not rushing anything. I know everything is according to his will. So whatever his plan for my life is, I’m down.  

// I need a tumblr theme with a Random link//

It lifts my spirit to re-visit my past entries. I like to marvel and laugh at the kooky little genius inside my head.